One week ago our son who is a Freshman proudly brought home his brand new High School hooded sweatshirt. He’s worn it almost every day…until today.
Flashback***at his elementary and middle school there were around 300 kids. If something was left behind, one of the teachers or fellow students would likely put it in the lost and found by the next morning.
It was very hard to wear someone’s garment from the lost and found, as everyone would recognize what belonged to whom.
Such is not the case now at a High School of 3,400 students.
This morning I received a stressed-sounding text from my son, “I thought I left my (new hoodie) in a classroom, but now it’s not there. It’s not in the lost and found, either!”
Our older son, a senior in HS, can often be heard grumbling about his younger brother’s belongings piling up around the house, or in the car, as it were. Older son will say to younger son, “The car is not your locker!”, as he shoves younger brothers’ things aside to fit his own stuff in the back seat of my compact car.
As the mom of these guys, I can be heard reciting many of my broken record mantras each day. For the younger, it’s usually “Clean up your spot”. His “spot” is his place at the kitchen table that I move all his stuff to, in my attempt to tidy the house. It does actually get picked up on occasion.
My heart is sad for the young’un. I know he’s really bummed. But now I don’t need to be the broken record anymore. Now I get to stand back and let him (and his big brother) absorb the consequences. I’ve harped on certain things for so long, and now I harp no more.
A few months ago, older son was at a park in a large city with some friends. It was dusk and he set down his backpack, with all his belongings inside, on the ground by some trees. He walked just a short distance away to film some video of his friends, and when he returned to his backpack, it was gone – along with all it’s contents which were both important and/or special to him.
I had to bite my tongue. It was really challenging not to ask, “What were you thinking?!”. They don’t need to feel any worse. If I did say something, it would turn their resentment toward me, and off of themselves. My job now is to put my arm around their shoulders and say, “Wow, that really sucks – I’m sorry to hear that.” In other words, be on their side with them, with a fudgy swirl of compassion twirling through our interaction. We can look at the proverbial puddle of spilled milk together as I ask, “What are you going to do about that?”.
The unspoken message in my question is that I trust them to figure it out – that they’re competent of such a task.
I learned this technique from a book called, “Parenting with Love and Logic”. I feel so much more aligned employing that tactic, than I would being snarky to those I love so fiercely.
In one and three years respectively, these boys will launch into their own lives. It’s time for me to step back and let them have a taste of driving their own bus. After all, I want for them to have some savvy when they leave home.
I hear too often that the shock of college or moving out is just too big and overwhelming. Doing laundry, getting up and out of the shower themselves, having their things ready to go in the morning, so they’re not frantically searching for stuff when they’re supposed to be getting on a train.
Each little hurdle they can learn to clear before they leave home, is one less they’ll be smacked between the eyes with when they leave the nest.
This is easier said than done, however, our self management now will be the gift that keeps on giving later.
Many of us have heard the old adage that “Wisdom comes with age”. Unfortunately, for many, the package never arrives. You know how when someone comes over to your house, and you have to open the door to let them in? Opening the door and inviting awareness in allows for learning important life lessons and concepts – wisdom. If the door is sealed shut and water tight as a frog’s ass, wisdom cannot come in. One can be 87 years old and have missed much of the bounty that life has attempted to deliver right to him! Instead, delivery guy just slaps another sticker on the door.
, with no happiness to show for it, etc. If any of this sounds way too familiar, you might have some latches to lift.
must get curious and open the door, if wisdom is ever to move in.
We go up, we go down. That is certain. Remaining firmly attached to our truth during the waves of this cycle is what will keep us moving at the appropriate speed and trajectory, and save us from drowning in the darkest of times)
I met two extraordinary people today. It’s really quite exquisite – both of them in one day, and hardly an hour apart!
When I asked him about his work, Ryan confirmed my suspicions. His enthusiasm for his craft was contagious. I asked him how he discovered this way of ballooning, and he shared his story. It was one that I know well and lights me up when I meet others who get it. This was one of those gifts that show up in a package that is completely unexpected.
so saturated that it was close to impossible for him to find work. Aaaaaand, he had a knack for working with balloons. And video games, too. Ryan took all of these ingredients, mixed them together, added a college degrees worth of animation know-how and didn’t even realize what he was creating when he began pumping out replicas of characters from our favorite animated classics, video games and just about anything we tried to stump him with, with balloons. He liked to challenge himself to adapt characters that we know and love like we’ve never seen them.
