“Be exquisitely true to yourself… Be exquisitely true to yourself.” 

It shows up again and again…this thought visiting me repeatedly.

“Why”, I finally asked? What’s the message here?

In examining the phrase I feel and hear that it’s subtly different from “be true to yourself”.

In all the 48 years I’ve been alive, I’d be rich if I had a nickel for each time I heard the phrase, “be true to yourself.” It shows up in all manner of places and contexts. Admit it, you have probably said it yourself.

The phrase stems from a famous quote in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. After doing some poking around, I found the following on literarydevices.net:

“Shakespeare has used this phrase in Act-I, Scene-III, lines 78-82 of his play, Hamlet. Polonius has spoken these words as a token of advice to his son, Laertes, at the time of his departure to Paris. He says:

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Scholars have spent a lot of time deciding what Shakespeare meant here. In the context of the play it could be a reminder to Laertes to be honest in his actions and relationships, that it is only if he is honest in these he can judge himself properly and that Laertes should think of his own benefit first and be true to it.

Today, the statement has evolved to where there is more of a live your truth, self empowerment vibe to the phrase. It’s become commonplace to hear this quote used when encouraging someone to choose autonomy and personal power.

I see the phrase a bit differently. The intuitive hit continues to show up for me, “Be exquisitely true to yourself.” What difference does this one word “Exquisitely” make? I decided to research the word’s meaning.

I found some good nuggets on dictionary.com. The bits that made my insides sing with resonance were:

• Of rare excellence of production or execution, as works of art or workmanship: the exquisite statues of the Renaissance.
• Keenly or delicately sensitive or responsive: an exquisite ear for music; an exquisite sensibility.
• Carefully sought out, chosen, ascertained, devised, etc.
• The Latin exquīsītus meticulous, early 15c., “carefully selected,” from Latin exquisitus “carefully sought out,” thus, “choice,”
• Of any thing (good or bad, torture as well as art) brought to a highly wrought condition, sometimes shading into disapproval.

“Be exquisitely true to yourself”. It evokes a different feeling in my body when I say it out loud.

Go ahead and try it. Can you hear or feel the distinction?

Being true to myself might mean, “I’m going to get that outfit because I want it so much!” That’s true, right? Yet, when applying the filter of exquisitely – extraordinarily fine, of rare excellence, execution, keenly, delicate, meticulous, and the concept of choice to being true to myself, it completely reshapes the meaning to me.

What’s different is the inclusion of awareness of the impact my choice can have on others. Whatever truth shows up has been meticulously and delicately refined and considered prior to executing. There has been no rushing here. Care is taken thinking about different scenarios that could result from exquisitely following my truth. Is this purchase feeding an impulse and in alignment with your values, or just the previous? Much thought and care is put into considering the consequences that may result from the act of being true to oneself.

This awareness of impact is an important part of being exquisitely true to yourself. It’s important to know that when you make a choice to do something different in order to be true to yourself the impact of your choice is greater than just you. Some people will be wildly excited for you and don’t expect everyone else involved to dance a jig and be happy that something in their life is changing, and they don’t have control over it.

Being straight with yourself and very aware of the reasons for your choice will be the stake you’ll hang on to when the ground beneath your feet becomes very unstable. When you have to face the people who disapprove or question your choices this is what will hold you on course. Because it is important to stay on course. To make a different choice is exhausting.

What is your exquisite truth, that if you don’t abide by it, it will continue to create upheaval and chaos all over your life? What truth inside you keeps poking you, demanding your attention and making you miserable if you ignore it?

If you have one of these, you’ll know. It’s the thing that has you hanging on to your safety every day with white knuckles and resenting every moment of it. It’s the thing you long for, the thing that calls to you again and again. You resist the urge to answer it, because it will catapult you out of your predictable life and zone of comfort.

I have one right now. My exquisite true self is the inflated beachball I talk about. It exhausts me trying to keep submerged, to hold it down. It’s not a matter of if it’s going to pop up, but rather, when. Will it be on my terms, or involuntarily? That remains to be seen. I am working hard to make sure that when it does pop up, I will be exquisitely true to myself, taking the time to be aware of the impact and following through anyway because it is the right thing for me to do.

I recently saw a quote that sums it all up perfectly,

“A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not be being true to yourself.” ― Steve Maraboli

The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.” Steven Pressfield

Resistance will not beat me today.

I am feeling resolve. Finally, I am finally sick and tired of my own bullshit.

I finally see that I’ve yielded to resistance. I’ve let it lead me. I even rolled out the red carpet for it. Placed my hand in it’s creepy, cold hand, as it smiled it’s twisted smile and nodded to me in approval. I have fully given myself to resistance, not even aware of the magnitude of this choice . If I am ever to become unstuck and succeed, I must make some different choices.

For keeping me stuck, however, it does the job perfectly.

Thank you for helping me, resistance. I am ready, now, to set you free.

Thank you, Steven Pressfield for bringing this to my awareness. (see War of Art, by Steven Pressfield)

Okay, so now what? I’m here staring at this blank page right in it’s blank, white face.

“Don’t take it too seriously. Don’t take myself too seriously. Don’t let up. Learn to be miserable. Learn to love being miserable.” Wow. Love being miserable? I never imagined that as a destination. Yet, I know there is a truth hidden in there.

As Steven describes the professional and the amateur, I am keenly aware that I am the amateur. The professional, I’m trying on that outfit right now. It feels strange and looks awkward on me. But, it’s very sexy – I dig it. I can imagine exciting travel, joy, fun, and aliveness in my future, should I choose to inhabit this outfit.

Aha, but here it comes again, I feel the dark, heaviness, and smell the sickening stench of the resistance and it’s cold, creepy, deadness approaching, coming to wrap it’s tentacles around me and hold me tight, as it has every day, for as long as I can remember.

Even saying hello, even walking down the street and not falling in the hole, it’s still too much. It’s like smoking cigarettes, or being pregnant. I either do/am, or I do not/am not. I can’t stand with a leg in each world. I must choose…blah, blah, blah…see, here, now – this is resistance – this mental masturbation crap. If I don’t let it in the front door, it’ll sneak around to the side door, the fucker. I must be water tight, as a frog’s ass. I must put my head down, keep writing and not create so much as a fissure for it to enter.

I’ve invited it in, as it showed up to my days cloaked in mystery, romance and magic. The angst, the struggle of art and creativity, it’s just so romantic. I love that stuff, but I see now that unbridled, it serves only as fodder in the context of my work. There is a time and a place to revel in the miracle those are, however, the workday is not it.

The next contraction is here. Picking me up and shaking me like a present. The resistance is here banging on my awareness again.

This time, it’s showing up as extreme sleepiness. Eyes so heavy…

The first hours of cessation – they’re so wrenching and painful – now giving too much attention to them. Just like quitting smoking. I must remain steadfast, knowing that the crescendo of the assault is yet to hit. The pounding waves in my face that will steal my breath and sweep my legs from under me – I know this dance – and, I will win, for I am finally sick and tired of my own bullshit.

You can not teach a person something she doesn’t already know; you can only bring what she does know to a higher level of awareness. – Galileo

Awareness is the beginning of everything.

Without awareness, we don’t know, what we don’t know.

Becoming aware is a peculiar cocktail; it’s so easy, yet, we resist it like emeffers.

Allowing awareness in, despite the discomfort that often accompanies it, can be shout-from-the-rooftops, game-changingly liberating and life giving!

Many of us have heard the old adage that “Wisdom comes with age”. Unfortunately, for many, the package never arrives. You know how when someone comes over to your house, and you have to open the door to let them in? Opening the door and inviting awareness in allows for learning important life lessons and concepts – wisdom. If the door is sealed shut and water tight as a frog’s ass, wisdom cannot come in. One can be 87 years old and have missed much of the bounty that life has attempted to deliver right to him! Instead, delivery guy just slaps another sticker on the door.

Just because we’re chronologically adults does not mean that we’ve emotionally or spiritually matured beyond our childhood. Look at the way grown-ups behave with one another. Have you ever witnessed someone in a grown up body giving a brilliant and refined performance of “mine, mine, mine”, or “you can’t make me”? (Watch C-Span, sometime – very entertaining.)

By shutting the door in awareness’ face, life can become heavier and more difficult over time. The evidence of this can show up as labored or failed relationships, unemployed or feeling suffocated by a job, broke as a joke, or lot’s
of wealth, with no happiness to show for it, etc. If any of this sounds way too familiar, you might have some latches to lift.

Funny thing about the door – we’re often not even aware that it’s locked up, like Ft. freaking Knox.

Sometimes something provokes a large and instant reaction, from us. I refer to this as being “triggered”. Some symptoms of being triggered might be yelling, jaw clenching, shutting down, and inflicting guilt…. you get the picture. These, and many, more, are all ways that awareness knocks on the door. One must get curious and open the door, if wisdom is ever to move in.

Becoming curious about what we don’t know that we don’t know gives way to budding awareness. It’ll require courage, patience, and a highly developed sense of humor.

When we open the door and invite awareness in, we become conscious of what hovers beneath the radar and has been driving the way we react to people, situations and circumstances. Reaction is just that – reaction. No awareness of impact.

Living from awareness = blowing the roof off this party.

Here are a few of mine:

Bust out the compassion
Everyone lives in their own suffering, whether we see it or not. Each day, I get to choose what I put into the world. I want it to be good.

Honor the cycles of life
We go up, we go down. That is certain. Remaining firmly attached to our truth during the waves of this cycle is what will keep us moving at the appropriate speed and trajectory, and save us from drowning in the darkest of times)

Melt into what’s here
Be here now. If there’s a shit burger on your plate, that’s what’s been served for dinner. Eat it, or don’t. You get to choose. (You don’t have to like it.)

Take full permission
(Hiding inside of someone or something else’s construct for you will guarantee your comfort, safety and “being right”
(and resentment, complacence, and general bitchiness))

Savor time with loved ones
It’s finite. Live without regret.

Fill your tank with good-quality fuel
Nourishing food, friendships, experiences, What else would you fill your fuel tank with, when heading out on the journey of your life?)

Follow your instinct
(If you get a strong sense to do or say something, it’s an urge coming from your inner wisdom (much smarter than your brain))

Make a mess
Take risks (that stand to improve the whole of your life, and/or don’t hurt others)

Own your impact
(It’s okay to get messy – just make sure you clean it up)

What are some of your commandments?

I met two extraordinary people today. It’s really quite exquisite – both of them in one day, and hardly an hour apart!

The first was a man hired to make balloon animals at the restaurant where my family and I ate breakfast. My first thought was, “huh, a baloon guy at breakfast – great idea. Keep the kids entertained”.

Upon closer inspection, I spotted it. He had it.

First, I discovered that his balloons were fatter than the normal skinny balloon animal balloons. That difference was only the tip of the iceberg! Next, I noticed that the objects he was crafting were unlike any others I’ve seen before. Now he had my attention. These balloon objects were extraordinary! One looked like a skyscraper, one was a familiar, absorbent, yellow, square character. I’d never seen anyone attempt to make him out of balloons…and the attention to detail – this young man, Ryan, had drawn with marker some extra detail that really put this  – dare I say, piece of art – over the top. Still, not even scratching the surface.

Eventually, as he passed by our table, I nodded and told him I admired his work. That “it” I mentioned, he was in it.

He was in “the zone”.

You know the zone, right? When you lose yourself in what you’re doing, because you totally love it, enjoy it and would rather do “it”, that mostly anything else? Like my husband and fishing.

When I asked him about his work, Ryan confirmed my suspicions. His enthusiasm for his craft was contagious. I asked him how he discovered this way of ballooning, and he shared his story. It was one that I know well and lights me up when I meet others who get it. This was one of those gifts that show up in a package that is completely unexpected.

But, it’s more than that. Ryan unknowingly possessed the willingness to allow for something other than what he’d envisioned. Also, he possessed the fortitude to keep going when the degree he earned in college didn’t earn him a job. And now for the magic ingredient….Ryan didn’t even realize that he was solely relying on his internal navigation when this gift revealed itself….ready for the answer?

HE WAS JUST HAVING FUN!!!!!

That’s all he had to do. He just had fun, and it led him right to a lucrative livelihood where he is in high demand! So lucrative in fact, that he employs three people full time and another few people part time to help him pull off this venture.

I want to reveal to you the anatomy of this jewel: Ryan went to college for 3D animation. He wanted to make movies like Toy Story. That market is so saturated that it was close to impossible for him to find work. Aaaaaand, he had a knack for working with balloons. And video games, too. Ryan took all of these ingredients, mixed them together, added a college degrees worth of animation know-how and didn’t even realize what he was creating when he began pumping out replicas of characters from our favorite animated classics, video games and just about anything we tried to stump him with, with balloons. He liked to challenge himself to adapt characters that we know and love like we’ve never seen them.

He was in a state of allowing and non-resistance. What resulted was a gift in unexpected wrapping. My favorite kind of love story. Love what you do, and you’ll never work a day in your life!

The next person I met was a young lady at a music store. She comes from a traditional ethnic family that chooses the career for their children. Again, she is in allowance of that tradition. To protect her identity, I’ll just stop there. The point I want to make is that even though she very clearly has a distinctive and expert way of playing a certain instrument, has been pursued by a very big entertainment company for her talent, plays in a band and teaches special needs kids while pursuing a degree in what her parents would like her to study, she is still finding a way to do what lights her up. That thing, as you may have guessed, is her music. The way she talked about it – the same way that Ryan looked when he made his balloon creations – give every indication that they are ALIVE. They are reaping the bounty that is here for them, and making a great living and impacting others in wonderful ways by doing their work in the world – making a living while enjoying life – outside the boundary of any container. This is how it can be when we dare to venture outside the box.

I have been in a funk for the past few weeks after losing my dad, and my focus. Today, meeting these people reminded me of what I need to do. Thanks Ryan and girl at the music store!

If you’re in the Chicago area and need a special kind of balloon guy, you may reach him here: http://rcjuggles.com/Performers.html