My name is Sherrie Marchi. I’ve been to the bowels of hell and back. For decades I didn’t even realize that I was stuck being a good girl, waiting for permission…to live. In sharing this story, I was surprised to learn how many of us are unaware we’re waiting for permission to be happy, take life into our own hands, or maybe even to do something really important.
Most of my life was spent seeking approval and needing to be liked. I was a people pleaser. Being a pleaser taught those around me how I would tolerate being treated by them, and that they could expect me to abandon my own needs so I could fulfill theirs.
When the load I insisted upon carrying became too heavy, my go-to mood was anger. I was experiencing resentment that I wasn’t consciously aware of, but it spilled out onto all parts of my life and onto those I cared abbout most. I felt “prickly” when someone would ask me for something, and I always said, “YES!” even when I didn’t have time, even if it took me away from responsibilities to myself or my family. It was what I came to know as the “Pleaser Saboteur”. Pleaser always said, “YES!” without even considering what that yes would entail. The reality this created was that I was always edgy—on the verge of exploding, chronically operating from a mode of chaos (hurrying, irritable, bitchy, and scattered), and because I was spread so thinly, I didn’t do anything well. But, still I persisted. It took every ounce of my energy to push down any resistance in an effort to hide this not-so-pretty truth that pushed from below the surface.
I couldn’t hide my true self forever. Over time the truest part of me wanted to be seen and heard. It became more and more difficult to push it down – it was like holding a fully inflated beach ball under the water. After 40 or so years it became exhausting. I worked at a jobs where I had to rein in my creativity to conform, further compounding my frustration. I felt so out of balance, trapped, angry, resentful, disrespected and hopeless. I remember being told that, “I was very difficult to be around”. Angry and hostile all the time, even sometimes to the people I loved most.
After some years, and quite by accident, I became acquainted with Marsha, who happened to be a life coach. I told her, “I didn’t need any fucking life coaching!” Of course, the events that followed ironically placed me on Marsha’s client roster. Ultimately, it was because Marsha called me out on my hostility by speaking to me in a way that nobody else did.
Working with Marsha as my coach was exactly the catalyst I needed to wake up to the awareness of my own involvement in what my life had become. This turned out to be the single most important factor in finding my way to freedom.
One day, while coaching with Marsha, I said to her, “I can’t see a way out. I’m stuck in here with no off-ramp”. She said to me, “What if you could create your own way off?”. That was a defining moment for me. That’s when I realized that if there isn’t an off-ramp when I need one, I have to bust through the guard rail and create one.
So, that’s what I did. I changed my life. This led to the realization that I wanted to help others change their lives, too.
In 2010, I enrolled at Coaches Training Institute and began training to become a wholehearted, Co-Active Coach. It was through this process that I found my work in the world, partnering with people to create lives beyond their outdated stories. If we’re going to be here on Earth, up, walking around, working, driving, being in relationships, using up resources, cooking dinners and going to little league games, why not do it from the most badass, present version of ourselves?
Rhetorical question? Not so much. I amazed, yet not shocked by the number of people I talk to that feel like they’re walking dead. They’re in a rut – wake up, make breakfast, make lunches, shower, go to work, come home, make dinner, clean up, help with homework, go to bed, rinse and repeat. Somewhere near the junction of predictability, exhaustion, obligations, the world going mad around us, and who knows what else, our light all but extinguishes. Our bodies keep going, but something inside dies. Dreams? Inspiration? Creativity? Life force? All of the above?
If you’re a human adult, it’s possible that at least some of this rings true for you, too. Everyone could use a transition coach at some point in their life. I use the word unconventional because sometimes finding your off-ramp requires some unconventional solutions, certainly different ones from those that got you here.
Seeking help is a sign of wisdom and courage. You don’t have to do this alone. Imagine that a vibrant, thriving life is within reach, and you still get to have your routine – maybe even a new improved one, while your light shines brightly.
There is an incredible adventure awaiting you. Connect with me here. Let’s see if we’re a match.
